she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Less talking, more tequila
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
