I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We left the knife in your bed.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
