I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
