Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
