There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
