You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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