can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
