I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
