I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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