just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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