i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
