we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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