I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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