the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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