right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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