Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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