Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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