i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize