i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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