my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
