So drunk its hurt
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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