The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
