I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
