im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
