Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
