Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She has the best kind of daddy issues
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
