If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
