This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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