that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
ok first of all what the fuck
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
