i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
