Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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