i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
