My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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