im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
