her vagine was all disorganized.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
