i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
this hospital has no fireball
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize