Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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