I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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