Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
