so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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