I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
