ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize