I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
