he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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