Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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