Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
