Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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