i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
