We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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