Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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