did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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