Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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