Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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