I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
