I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
