Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
