So drunk, too bad you don't want this
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I skipped work to stalk him.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
