He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
