i need an iv and a liver transplant
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
