The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
BRING THE BAGELS
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
