this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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