Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
