never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
