I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
