he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
